She screams, “I want to save my marriage” because her husband is hardly ever at home and she is left to deal with all the domestic problems that a home presents. Understandably, she wants her husband to chip in and help.

He shouts, “I want to save my marriage” because he feels that his wife should show support for him with regards to his career and when he gets home from the office, after having dealt with problems all day, he doesn’t want an additional list of problems from his wife.

In the above situation, both partners are seeking a solution…but like most cases, they are basically just laying blame on each other’s unresponsiveness. Each one of them are hoping the other party can be a good problem solver…for one’s own problem!

Of course, while married couples can often help each other in times of trouble, they also need to realize that they should also be more than just a helping hand. In other words, they need to be treated as good friends and also lovers.

Think back to when you first fell in love. At that time, the evenings were filled with wine, roses and words of kindness. There were no problems. There was no “now”, but instead, there was only the future.

But when you start saying “I want to save my marriage,” you’re dealing with the present. The present is overwhelming you and the future holds no promise.

Essentially, the best way of dealing with matters when you’re in this kind of situation, is for you to find a way to distance yourself from any problems on hand. You have to focus on all that you love about your partner, rather than the problems the two of you are facing.

Make time for talking…but rather than talk about your problems, talk about your hopes, dreams and fantasies. In other words, rather than talk about things you hate, talk about things you love.

These types of discussions are crucial and as such, you need to make time for them on a daily basis. Whether you make time at the end of the day when the kids are in bed, or whether you both wake up a few minutes earlier each day, so long as you set some time aside.

Obviously, if you have found yourself thinking that you want to save your marriage, there problems which need to be dealt with, so whatever you do, don’t ignore them. A good way to deal with this is by having a weekly meeting for example. Here you can discuss various issues, including kid’s issues, school issues, work issues and etc.

Furthermore, if your spouse is unable or unwilling to help you deal with your problems, don’t hold them responsible because after all, you never married them for their problem solving capabilities.

Instead, go and seek professional help from a marriage guidance councilor or from a career coach, etc. You’d be amazed at just how much professional help can help you. Even a truckload of housework can be done and dusted in just a couple of days through proper organization.

If you truly do want to save your marriage, stop treating your partner as though they’re little more than a problem solver. Instead, treat them as a friend and as a lover once again.

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